I gotta new attitude

So, I created this blog so that one day when Ben and I do finally have our baby, we can look back at what all we went through to have the family we prayed for. I have been really down lately because the acupuncture didn't work. I really wanted to just throw in the towel. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant. It's just so easy for some people! One of my friends at church said she appreciates her pregnancy more because she knows how hard we have tried to have a baby. Finally! Some one understands. She said it best, she has NOTHING to complain about. That is my biggest pet peeve is that pregnant women constantly complain about being pregnant. I'm like, hello, can you just enjoy your blessing and shut the hell up? Anyway, I digress.
My new attitude is not really new just re-newed. I kind of go through cycles with my emotions just like anybody else I guess. I am fine with our situation about 90% of the time. That 10% hits and it's like deep depression for me. I just crawled out of my valley so to speak in the last week. I keep telling myself we have a lot going on right now and there's a reason we're not pregnant right now. I try to pray every time I feel upset or angry. I know what set me off this last time was the unsuccessful acupuncture treatments. We spent the rest of our savings for these treatments thinking they would help but just like everything else, it didn't help.
This whole process has been the worst thing I have ever been through and it has been the worst thing Ben and I have been through together. The whole thing is so frustrating and maddening. No one can even try to understand unless they have been through it. So in case you're keeping notes, don't ever tell me you understand when you are pregnant or have biological children because you just don't! Snap! I really want to stay positive and just ride it out. Most days I find peace and rest in the arms of Jesus but we are sinners and the devil likes to get his dig in every now and then. The worst thing I can do for myself is have a pity party so I try really hard to avoid that at all costs. New shoes usually help!
My plan right now is to focus on school. I have 2 more years of school to complete my masters degree. Ben and I also want to enjoy our lake house. We plan on spending lots of time at the lake house this summer and enjoying God's creation and each other. We are both really looking forward to this summer which is good for both of us because it helps to forget the disappointments. Lastly I have a new puppy, Izzy. Bless her heart she has had to carry the brunt of my baby fever. Luckily she loves to be spoiled so it works out. She is giving me lots of love and devotion and I am so happy to have her right now. I hope that doesn't sound weird but then again I don't care. So in the words of my pregnant friend, I have nothing to complain about, absolutely nothing.