Hallelujah Dinner

I had the opportunity to speak at the women's dinner at church last night. When I was asked to speak about our miracle baby, I started praying for God to speak through me. I knew my friend Ashley was going through a similar struggle so I invited her to the dinner. We have been friends since high school and have always kept in touch. She was so excited and so supportive. I couldn't wait to see what God had to say to her and everyone else. I felt good about speaking because people need to know about God's great works. Also, even though you know you are not alone in the infertility battle, you feel alone. I wanted people to know that nothing is impossible with God. I didn't go into great detail about all the doctors and procedures and tests that we went through. I only had 10 minutes to speak. I made sure to joke a little. I am kindof funny and I like to lighten the mood. Plus, it is an exciting story with a happy ending! My main goal of the speech was to encourage those going through the same thing we did. I wanted them to know that it's not easy but it's not impossible. I wanted to tell them that my faith wavered but God put people in my life to encourage me when I needed it. Lastly, I wanted them to know that you can't ever give up on your prayers. If we ask God for something, we need to ask Him expecting it to happen. It is so hard to live this when you feel so defeated and disappointed but it is so wonderful to see what God does with your life when you make it through a struggle. Looking back, the Lord answered all of my prayers. He gave me peace when I needed it. He gave me strength to persevere and continue to take up my cross everyday. He showed me mercy. One of the ladies last night made me realize just how merciful God is. She said that God showed me mercy by giving us a baby at the perfect time. We have about 12 ladies expecting babies in our church right now, 2 in my Sunday School class. She said imagine not being pregnant and having everyone around you at church expecting a baby. I had never thought about that but she is so right. God is so merciful. He also gave me grace. I asked Him to help me handle myself with grace throughout this whole journey. I felt like a hot mess most of the time but to everyone else I seemed like the most faithful, patient, and graceful women they had seen. People asked me how I could be so patient and all could say was, God. It's amazing to see what he has done in my life and my husband's life. His timing is perfect and I wouldn't change anything. I am thankful that I was chosen to bear this burden. I am thankful that I have the confidence to speak about it. My hope and prayer is that I can help other women make it through the infertility struggle.

Pregnancy symptoms

When I found out I was pregnant, I was ready for any symptom that came my way. People always say that the sicker you are, the healthier your baby is. Well I was really sick. I started with the all day sickness about week 7. Then continued with night sickness until about week 17. I lost 10 pounds during the first trimester! Next thing is bra size. I went from a 36 D to a 38 DD and now a 38 F! How about they don't sell my bra size at the maternity store. I had to settle for a 40 E. What is that? I don't even want to know what size my boobs will be when my milk comes in. Pregnancy amnesia or placenta brain. Kind of good when you want to forget how sick you have been but bad when you can't put a sentence together because you can't remember simple vocabulary words. Ben and I have gotten the biggest kick out of my forgetfulness. We have had conversations and I have no recollection of what he is talking about. Also, my brain won't process things like it used to. Sometimes people will be talking to me or explaining something to me and I can't understand what they are telling me. I have had to ask so many people to repeat themselves because I have no idea what they just said. Luckily we can all laugh about it. The best thing has been my enjoyment of food. The best story I have is from Krispy Kreme. Who doesn't love a hot fresh donut? Ben and I were on our way home and I said if the hot sign was on, I wanted to stop and get 2 donuts. Both for me of course! So we went in and they said it would be 3 minutes before the hot ones would be ready. No problem. I watched those donuts ride up and down the conveyor belt, drop into the hot oil, flip over, and then ride through the sheet of glaze. They were so hot, I almost burned my mouth but they were sooooo good. Ben and I talked about how fun it will be to bring our son to Krispy Kreme and watch the donuts. It is so exciting to think of all the fun stuff we can do with him as he grows up. There are other symptoms that I am choosing not to include because I either want to forget them or just leave this post on a high note. Some things just aren't worth talking about. I have tried very hard not to complain about any symptom. My only complaint so far has been my tailbone pain but I am still enjoying every minute of it!

25 weeks pregnant

Pregnancy has been everything I expected and then some. I expected some nausea. Pregnancy nausea was relentless and slightly debilitating. I finally got some medicine after I lost several pounds and was unable to eat or drink anything. Zofran was a life saver. I did not gain the usual holiday weight last year because I could barely stomach a cracker. I made it through and tried very hard to enjoy every symptom, good and bad. I had all day sickness for about 12 weeks and then night sickness until 17 weeks. I lost 10 pounds in the first trimester but at this point I have put on 19 pounds. It has been weird to see my body stretch and grow in different directions but at same time, it has been amazing and so much fun.

Welcome back

It's been like 8 or 9 months since I last posted on my blog. I have wanted to post months went by and I felt like I had waited to long to post so , whatever, I'm just gonna catch this baby up. Ben and I had a great summer. We bought a new boat in August. We mastered the art of wake surfing and enjoyed our lake house and being with each other. We had lots of visitors at the lake house. We made new friends and had some awesome cook outs. I finished up my 4th semester in grad school. I have kept my 4.0 GPA while working full time and teaching aerobics. I really love the program at Western and I hope to finish in the near future. I taught aerobics at church twice a week until November. I took a break for the holidays and for my sanity to finish up my research papers and final exams. Lastly, I received the greatest birthday present ever. Ben and I finally conceived our baby! I found out I was pregnant in November. Total shocker! We had just had a serious conversation about looking into adoption as soon as I finished school and BOOM, pregnant! I never gave up but I didn't think it was going to happen either. I was 5 days late for my period and I told Ben. He kept saying, this feels different, I think this is it. I didn't want to be disappointed so I kept saying, no, it's just another weird period. Well, Ben talked me into taking a pregnancy test. I didn't want to buy one, so I decided to take a test at work. I knew it was going to be negative, this was my way of protecting my emotions I guess. I got to work, peed in a cup, took the dropper and dropped 2 drops of pee on the test. Expecting a negative test, you can imagine my surprise when the thing popped up positive. I about fell out in the floor. The first thing out of my mouth was " Thank you Jesus!". I called Ben a million times, he wouldn't answer! Finally he called back and I screamed, " I'm pregnant!". We were both in tears. We just couldn't believe it. Ben had all the faith in the world that God would give us a baby, I had the faith of a mustard seed. We never gave up. We prayed everyday for the Lord to give us a baby. God is faithful and His timing is perfect. This baby is a true miracle and we feel immensely blessed everyday. I am now 25 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. We are due July 13. Everyday has been a miracle in itself. We thank God everyday for this baby.

So how about that spider bite?

Well, 3 weeks ago we went to California. I found a bug bite on my ankle and thought it was just a mosquito bite. It itched for several days and never went away. The next week when I got back to work, the bite was really red and looking, well, angry. The next day it started to turn black and became painful. Now, I work at the health department and this old building is know to have a few bugs here and there. So I started asking around. I mean, I work with a bunch of nurses and nurse practitioners, they should know what this is on my ankle. The majority thought it was a spider bite. Great! I went to the doctor and it was a spider bite. A brown recluse bite no less. I started taking antibiotics and an anti-leprosy medicine that treats spider bites. Meanwhile, the necrosis on my ankle keeps growing, the swelling gets worse, and the redness spreads. After a week of the 2 meds, I went back to the doctor. She decided this plan was not working and changed me to another antibiotic and an antimicrobial ointment. ( I think ointment is such a funny word.) Anyway, the ointment and a bandage helped so much. The wound is still black with a red ring but it looks so much better and it's getting smaller everyday. So random but that's life!

(The picture is my spider bite at it's worst.)

Summer is here!

It's been exactly one month since I last blogged. Tomorrow will be the 1 year anniversary since Michael Jackson died and Sunday will be the one year anniversary of my father in law's death. What a great month!
It has been a whirlwind of a year. Ben and I have been trying to sell our house since last August. I had appendicitis last September. I chose a horrible fertility doctor and suffered a lacerated cervix in January. I did 10 weeks of acupuncture and no dairy only to NOT get pregnant and have $800 less dollars in savings. The house that Don built was vandalized 3 times and my purse was stolen. What a year!
On the other hand, we bought a lake house that we love and we got little Izzy-boo. Ben always tells me to look at all the blessings instead of all the bad things. Well, you can see that the bad list does out weigh the good list this time. We have our health and we are happy; something most people can't say.
Last October when we turned 30 I was determined to turn over a new leaf and begin again and have a better year. Things don't always turn out the way you want them to. Ben misses his dad everyday. As father's day came and went, you can see the hurt on his face. We have officially celebrated all major and minor holidays and all birthdays without him. Ben always says, " Dad would have loved this lake house. He would've been so proud of us." He's right, Don would've have been all about the lake house. He would've put his two cents in when we didn't want to hear it but he would've loved it.
Well, as Jay Z says, " On to the next one..."

Pepaw

May 19 2010 changed our family forever. Pepaw passed away right before our eyes. I was sitting by his side, family all around and he slowly slipped away. It was expected by unexpected. He was 82.

When my grandmother passed away in 2001, I ended up in a fight with my cousin over something so silly and that fight lasted for years and grew in numbers of family members that disliked me. All this over one comment, said as a joke, and meant nothing. Some people are so touchy ( said like Rizzo from Grease). So as you can imagine, I had a pep talk with myself before walking into the funeral home last week. I told myself, keep your mouth shut Tatum, Don't say anything, Don't rock the boat. (My cousin and I have been getting along lately and I didn't want to piss her off again, Lord help us all) Anyway, everything went smooth, nothing negative. What did happen was amazing though. Honestly, I am always surprised by God. It's not that I don't think He can do things, it's just that they always catch me by surprise. First, I felt privileged and honored to be by my Pepaw's side when he left this world to join Jesus and Memaw in Heaven. Next my cousin asked me about church. I invited them and he and his wife came and loved our church! Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good witness but it's not about me, it's about the love of Jesus Christ that shines through me.

My Pepaw's service was so sweet. It's funny, I always knew he was a fireman and I was always proud of that but I never knew him as Captain Hudgens, only as Pepaw. I loved hearing the stories of him at the firehall and how he won baking contests at church, and seeing all the little old ladies who doted over him all these years he's been a widower. I stayed at my grandparents house every other weekend until I was a teenager. I wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. Pepaw used to tease me at every meal. He'd say, does that plate have your name on it? And I'd say, sure does, it says T.H. which was both of our initials. He got the biggest kick out of that. Pepaw laughed all the time and my mom always tells me that where I get it from. You never left his house hungry and he was always there when you needed him. He was the cornerstone of the family and fine Christian man. He taught us unconditional love and generosity. Even though it sounds cliche, he will live on forever in our hearts as we remember all the love he showed us and the lessons he taught us.

(The picture is from our 30th birthday skate party. Pepaw thought he wasn't invited because he was too old. I told him it was because he didn't have an email address. I'm so glad he came, he had the best time that night.)